Sticking with your intentions are powerful even after the desire has left. This is discipline!
Today I want to finish out the segment from last time. I wrote to you about the FEAR of Failure which many people have after WLS. I gave some tips and tricks on your RAS and how to start looking for your successes even when you may not be seeing them.
What have you found? Are you seeing that 'item' everywhere yet?
If you haven't, keep looking! And give it at least 72 hours.. I promise, it shows up!
So, your FEAR of failure is not the only thing that may be holding you back, it could be your FEAR of success. Recently I was having a talk with a 1:1 client and our convo went something like this..
Me: So when you hit goal, what do you want to achieve?
Client: I want to hit my goal weight and be healthy.
Me: Yes, of course, but what do you want beyond that?
Client: I just want to, you know, be healthy, and fit in new clothes, and feel good about myself.
Me: Again, that's great, but what else do you want? What else other than weight loss will help you to feel good about yourself? What else do you want in your life?
Client: (Blank stare.. and a huge pause..... )
Client: Well, what do you mean?
Me: Well, in this process most people want to change something about their lives because they've felt stuck for so long that there is so much more beyond the weight loss and being healthy that you may want to achieve... and I'm asking what that might look like for you..
Client: (another very big.. long pause..)
Client: I have no idea. I've never thought about that before...
Me: What if you could achieve anything in the world? What would you want to be, do, or have?
Client: I don't know.
Me: If your world was an oyster, and you could do anything in your new body, what would that be?
Client: These are great questions, but I really have no idea.
So, here's my point...
For many of you love bugs who hit goal, you don't know what's next and maintenance can be hell because you're so used to dieting that you subconsciously gain weight, so you can repeat the cycle. You DO NOT do this intentionally at all, but you get bored with maintenance because you have NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO clue what else you want in your life that you repeat old patterns and then feel like a failure (last email) all because you don't know how to live with success and it doesn't feel like how you imagined it would feel, or what it would be.
If success is only getting into a size 6, and then you get there.. you're brain goes.. Okay, were are here.. NOW WHAT?
Then there's another group that doesn't manifest to goal at all. These peeps fear success because they don't know what it will mean for them to be successful. I talked a little bit about this in my book too.
What if people don't like me when I'm thin? What if they judge me?
What if I become the outcast because I look better than my family or friends?
What if no one gets me?
This becomes uncomfortable because let's say for example, you guys used to make fun of skinny people together. "Look at her, she probably just ate a pea for breakfast" and now, you are the thinner person, and now your circle or friend group can't relate to you because you are living the life THEY WANT TO LIVE, and instead of supporting and loving you for succeeding, instead you become the outsider... (this is about their judgment and fearing their judgment by the way!)
You sabotage your own weight loss success because of your own fears of:
Other people being jealous of you and your success
Being too sexy and fear being an object of sexual exploitation or desire
Being the center of attention and then people might actually SEE you
The possibility of the added responsibility of being a success and people giving you compliments, and asking you to help, etc.
You're so attached or addicted to feeling negative, sad, frustrated and love to complain so much so that being happy, excited, and accomplished feels super foreign and uncomfortable (I know this sounds wayyy off, but trust me, I know some people like this! They do exist!)
Being uncomfortable in any situation because this whole experience is so new that you avoid uncomfortable feelings and don't follow through
And.. not having ANY clue what success looks like and fears that once you get there, you might not like yourself, your life, your body, and because...
THE DEVIL YOU KNOW IS EASIER.. THAN THE DEVIL YOU DON'T
Don't get me wrong.. being smaller, thinner, etc.. is NOT the devil...
But the UNKNOWN is SCARY for a lot of people.. and when you DO NOT EXPLORE what SUCCESS can potentially look like for you, you can subconsciously or unconsciously sabotage getting there, because WHO WILL YOU BE?
One time I had a woman tell me, I want to be thin, but I don't want to be a bitch. (her words)
To which I replied inquisitively, "why would you think you'd end up being a bitch?"
To which she replied, "all hot women have a confidence that is so secure in themselves that they seem bitchy, and I want to be confident, but I don't want to be like that."
So, here's my point again... OUR SUBCONSCIOUS THOUGHTS ABOUT THIN PEOPLE, OTHER PEOPLE, SITUATIONS, WHAT THINNER LOOKS LIKE, FEELS LIKE , etc..
.....WILL IMPACT our own journey to SUCCESS... or WILL BLOCK THAT SUCCESS!!
This is why when I scream and shout from the rooftops that this journey is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much more about #MINDSET than it is about food, I really truly mean it from the depths of my heart and soul.
To sum things up.. if you don't have a clear idea of WHO you want to be, or WHAT you want beyond the weight loss, you will likely FEAR your SUCCESS because who you ARE now.. is who you are USED TO BEING...
And that future person, who you don't know, and you're not sure if you're going to like, love, etc.. is who you are going to avoid like the plague.
And, when you get SUPER FREAKING CLEAR on WHO YOU WANT TO BE...
You'll be not only ready to achieve your goals, but you'll be attracted to SUCCESS like a moth to a flame. Nothing will keep you away.
So, for today, and the rest of this week, I want you to make a list of why SUCCESS would be TOTALLY SCARY for you...
Then.. I want you to make a list on all the AMAZING EXCITING things that your WLS SUCCESS would bring into your life...
Then, I want you to DEFINE what your life will look like as a WLS SUCCESS...
What ELSE do you want to achieve in your life?
What ELSE do you want to BE, DO, or HAVE?
What can you focus on in your life beyond your weight loss goals?
I promise you that while these are deep questions and this is deep work - if you do it.. you'll gain new insights that you've never had before.
And.. if you are still struggling with "I don't knows" - keep asking yourself the questions every single day..
I don't know is a lazy answer. You guys may get mad at me for saying it.. but it's true.
The more you ask yourself these questions, the more clear you will get. It may take a week, it may take a month, it may take several months.. keep asking.
I promise you this works.
Let's bust through your fear of SUCCESS, so you can REALLY TRULY live your post-op life the way you want to live it...
Let's stop going through the motions of what is, and CREATE what you want to BE...