Your relationship with 'I can't

As promised, this week I'm going to talk to your more about your perceived limitations and your relationship with 'I can't'. Even if you don't use these words, you likely see things in terms of what's possible for you based on your past experiences. Also, you limit yourself based on your BELIEF systems. 

"Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right." - Henry Ford

Instead, whether you BELIEVE you can accomplish something (big or small) has a large part to do with how much effort and dedication you BELIEVE you can give to that situation, whether you think you CAN accomplish it, and whether you actually WANT to put in the work.  All of this is linked to your perceived limitations. This sounds a lot like the fear of failure and fear of success emails shared last week right? 

See, the thing is, your belief systems and perceived limitations make up what you think you CAN do, or think you CAN'T do. This separates people from what they DO do, and what they DON'T do. 


Did you ever see that movie, The Pursuit of Happiness staring Will Smith? While that's a touching movie, it was notably created from the true story life of Chris Gardner, who struggled with a very tough life and yet due to his undying perseverance and belief that he WOULD succeed, he kept trying, and kept falling, and kept trying, and kept falling, and kept trying... 

and well, you get the gist.. 

But my point is, he eventually succeeded because he NEVER GAVE UP on himself. 

Similarly I read recently in a book about a triathlete that would convince himself to keep going even when the pain in his legs were unbearable. See, physiologically, our body won't give out as easy as our brains do, because we are programmed to stop when we feel pain. So this triathlete shared how he would overcome his mind to work through the pain of the race until his body gave out. Freaky, right? 

However, YOU, yes you, are likely too quick to think.. "Nah, that wouldn't or couldn't be me. I couldn't get there. I couldn't do that. I wouldn't be able to do what he did." 

And.. maybe you THINK you couldn't. But, the only thing stopping you from trying is your BELIEF systems, and what you THINK you can do, or can't do. 

See, in the space that Chris Gardner was in, he felt that he had NO OTHER CHOICES. Without a college degree, with very little money coming in, no home, etc. He didn't have any other choice, but to push himself to the limits. 

When pushed against a wall, and when faced with difficulties, people are either MADE.... or, they GIVE UP and settle. 

What I mean by MADE is that people make a choice to either FACE their darkest fears and TRY, or they face their failures and they give in to the life they are currently living, continuing on autopilot, day in, day out.  

Given Chris Gardner's hardships, he could have given up, but his MINDSET didn't allow him to fail. He knew deep inside him that if he kept going, he would succeed.  And, what were his alternatives? 

What makes you different? Or what makes you the same as Chris Gardner? 

See here's the thing, there is something different....
You have the comfort of a home right now.
You likely have a job that you semi-like, or at least can 'deal' with. 
You can cover your rent or mortgage. 
And.... you're comfortable staying exactly the same because change is MUCH SCARIER because you don't know what's on the other side..  

So there is something different... It's your MINDSET.. It's your belief systems.
It's whether you FIND A WAY, or whether you find an EXCUSE to let go, give up, and stop trying. 

Believe me, EVERYONE has hard days, difficult days, and struggles. I know about the struggles.. And anyone who REALLY knows me knows about the month that I was homeless in my college years and the Christmas that I slept my car in the parking lot of a supermarket. 

Now, you know, that I'm not that same person, nor did I let that situation hold me back from becoming who I was meant to be. Even after that instance, I fought long, hard, and fast with other things like making sacrifices to have my surgery, which came MANY years later. 

My point is, no matter what's going on in your life, if backed into a corner, you either succumb to the situation, or we become resilient and grow INTO a person who is a stronger, better version of themselves. You learn things from your experiences, both good and bad. 

And, you either allow those situations to crumble you, and you allow the limiting beliefs to control you, OR... you recognize that ALL those situations were doing were GROWING you into the person you're meant to become. 

Similarly, all the struggles of this WLS journey are MEANT to GROW YOU! All the setbacks, all of the temptations, all of the criticisms or judgments received, are all meant to make you stronger. Even if you fall into a setback or eat the cookie, or the donuts, or whatever, you CAN change, because it's all about you putting yourself BACK ON TRACK...  not waiting for tomorrow, or Monday. 

And, while some people may throw their hands up in the air and say 'ugh, I'm done,' I implore you to persevere through the down days and to work on shifting your mindset by believing that you CAN change for the long-term, and this BEGINS by starting small. 

"No great achievement is possible without persistent work." - Bertrand Russell

Now, you might still say to me... 
"No, Kristin, you really don't understand my situation. See, I drive 90-min to work and back, I have three kids, and I struggle with my budget, I have to work 3 jobs, and I'm depressed." 

But here's the thing... no matter what you are going through, if you BUY IN to your limitations, if you feed your excuses, then you become SOLD on them. You begin to accept the lies that you can't change. 

No matter what you are struggling with, no matter how difficult things are, there's always a way out, when you BELIEVE in yourself, and you believe that your situation is NOT what you're life is destined to be.  

The belief that you 'can't' is only as powerful as you make it to be.

Your excuses for WHY you stay the same, are only as powerful as your BELIEFS.

Any of us, ANY ONE of us, regardless of situation, can overcome his or her old limiting mindset. ANYONE!! 

It's not about intelligence.
It's not about socioeconomic status. 
It's not about access to money or funding. 
It's not about the type of job you have.
It's not about your educational background. 
It's not about your family background.
It's not about whether you are wheelchair bound or not.
It's not about access to other resources (gym, fitness center, etc.) 


And, this is not just about the post-op life, this is about ALL of your life, every aspect. 

Your belief systems account for whether you believe you'll change, or whether you'll believe you can't. 

So just for today... start to BELIEVE in yourself, and believe in what's POSSIBLE for you in a positive way. Start to dream big about what you can change if you just BELIEVE in yourself. 

Start by writing down 5 NEW Empowering beliefs that you want to reprogram into your mind. Then read them twice a day, and start to encourage yourself to move towards your desires, whatever they might be. 

Then, work on talking to yourself like you would talk to a best friend who wants to achieve something big. What would you say to them? How would you encourage them? 

You wouldn't tell them to give up; You would tell them to KEEP GOING!! 
This goes same for yourself! 

Next time, I'll share how you're life is eerily similar to Bird Box, and how you being blind to the world has kept you stuck in old patterns..

Until then.. remember 

"Don't limit your challenges - challenge your limits." —Unknown